![Chris struggled with his mental health as a new and expecting father. Picture by Brendan McCarthy Chris struggled with his mental health as a new and expecting father. Picture by Brendan McCarthy](/images/transform/v1/crop/frm/211799097/5c3ed2e0-c053-4eda-abe5-a13a1d3f87d8.jpg/r0_0_6786_4524_w1200_h678_fmax.jpg)
Chris was on duty as a nurse when he got a call from his worried partner about their crying and inconsolable baby.
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Wanting to rush home in support, and despite him and his partner working as nurses, Chris says common sense evaded him.
"My boss said, 'you know, we are the emergency department, maybe you should bring bub in here instead'," Chris said.
"Even with all of the clinical reasoning because of our work, when something goes wrong, all that reasoning can go out the window."
Chris, who lives in Castlemaine, was one of the many new dads who struggle with perinatal mental health.
A 2023 study from Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA) found during and after their partner's pregnancy, 85 per cent of men felt worried, 87 per cent lacked confidence in becoming a parent, and 61 per cent experienced panic attacks.
Releasing the findings as part of Men's Health Week from June 12-18, PANDA said it had seen the number of expecting dads completing the organisation's mental health checklist more than double in the 12 months to December 2022.
Parenthood a shared experience
Chris was navigating the passing of his father while expecting his son and realised in hindsight he should have sought help sooner.
"I don't think things have to be at crisis point before you need to (seek help)," he said.
"Men are notoriously bad at acknowledging that they may be not coping, and (think) seeking help is an admission of failure or weakness, whereas that's not the case."
PANDA CEO Julie Borninkhof said what a new or expecting father was experiencing can sometimes be overlooked when people think about the struggles of new parents.
"Parenthood is generally a shared experience, but we often overlook that new dads feel the same uncertainty with their changing responsibilities," Ms Borninkhof said.
"Equal recognition of mental health experiences among fathers is important for encouraging them to seek support, so they can be more present for their baby and partner."
While Chris was happy with the amount of care his partner was receiving, he said he experienced a lack of acknowledgement for his own struggles as a new dad.
"I was more or less dismissed by a lot of people, no one was really looking at me and saying, 'how are you going?'," he said.
"And to me that was fine because it was all about my partner and bub, but people were surprised when I turned up to appointments.
"It's great that we've got so much support for women during and after pregnancy, but I did feel at the time that we've got a lot of work to do (for men)."
![Chris said simple things - like walks with his dog Jet - helped him navigate perinatal mental health struggles. Picture by Brendan McCarthy Chris said simple things - like walks with his dog Jet - helped him navigate perinatal mental health struggles. Picture by Brendan McCarthy](/images/transform/v1/crop/frm/211799097/9e759bd2-c5be-4f06-99a0-69da989478c5.jpg/r0_0_6350_4233_w1200_h678_fmax.jpg)
Simple, everyday things help
Chris said it was simple things, like open and honest communication with his partner and walks with Jet, his dog, that helped during those early days of fatherhood when he was struggling.
"Communication with your partner is key, because quite often they might recognise the signs before you acknowledge there is something wrong," he said.
"And I've got my dog, Jet, who I could take for walks and just have a bit of a break from everything, a half hour walk can just hit a reset button."
Chris jokes with his partner about how they "never want to do" those "terrifying" first three months of parenthood again, and despite that, how there were moments of happiness that littered that time.
"As beautiful as it is having a baby, it can be a real struggle," he said.
"But it's not all hard work, you get to make that connection with your kid.
"And people are very resilient and adaptable. I think I surprised myself, I know my partner surprised herself, and we surprised each other with how we coped."
And if you or someone you know needs support, contact:
- PANDA Helpline on 1300 726 306 (9am Monday - Saturday) or panda.org.au
- Lifeline 13 11 14
- Talk it Out, 1300 022 946, talkitoutmurray.org.au
- BeyondBlue on 1300 22 4636 or beyondblue.org.au
- Headspace Bendigo, 5406 1400, headspace.org.au/
- If life is in danger call Triple Zero (000).
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