One mother recently stood up at a parent forum on pornography and admitted her son had directly quizzed her about anal sex.
She reported turning "50 shades of purple" before bravely tackling the question, says sexual violence prevention expert Maree Crabbe.
A little awful, uncomfortable, but absolutely necessary, according to the director of the Reality & Risk project.
The pervasiveness of the internet in daily life and increasing use of "smart" devices has changed the way teenagers encounter and consume sexually explicit material.
Forget centrefolds in magazines hidden under the mattress.
For many young people, it's now harder to avoid pornography than to see it.
If your child has access to a mobile phone, laptop, tablet or other internet-enabled device - or if they have friends or family who do - chances are they will see porn, even if they don't go looking for it, according to Ms Crabbe.
Research reveals more than 90 per cent of boys and 60 per cent of girls (13-16 years old) have seen online porn.
Further there's also every chance they will be involved in sharing and even making porn themselves, using mobile phones and webcams to create explicit imagery - because they want to or because they feel pressured to do so by a partner or their peers, Ms Crabbe adds.
About a quarter of young people have sent a nude or nearly nude image of themselves while 42 per cent have received a nude or nearly nude image of someone else.
Meanwhile 69 per cent of sexually active young people have received a nude or nearly nude image of someone else.
More worrying still is that as pornography has become more mainstream, it has also become rougher, harder, and more aggressive.
A recent content analysis of the most popular porn found 88 per cent of scenes included acts of physical aggression, the majority of it against women.
The figures are shocking, unbelievable even, particularly when you consider many parents are unaware of how pervasive pornography has become.
"This is an issue for every Australian family," states Ms Crabbe, who has worked in sexual violence prevention for more than 20 years.
"We're kidding ourselves if we think we are immune to it.
"Since the early 2000s, porn is increasingly playing a role in how young people learn about, think about and experience sexuality."
Bendigo-based sexologist and sex therapist Dr Linda Kirkman says pornography does have an impact on the attitudes of young people towards sex.
She says the pornography young people usually access is not ethical and often "sexual abuse material".
It can lead to distorted ideas about sex, she says, with these young people seeing activities without context, such as the preparation leading up to them and consent.
Ms Crabbe says pornography conveys "deeply problematic messages" about men, women, bodies, sex, consent and pleasure.
"It is unfair for us to leave young people to navigate that alone," she says.
"Pornography commonly depicts aggression towards women and utterly normalises unequal gender relationships.
Since the early 2000s, porn is increasingly playing a role in how young people learn about, think about and experience sexuality.
- Maree Crabbe, sexual violence prevention expert
"We know porn reflects and reinforces gender drivers of violence against women."
Dr Kirkman says pornography was often used as a substitute for sex education.
Comprehensive, evidence-based sex education is not widely available in schools, Dr Kirkman says, but young people are curious and do not know where else to go.
But there are steps parents and carers can take to mitigate the potentially harmful influence of pornography.
"What they can do is from a really early age... Do their best to talk to their young people about relationships and sex and consent," Dr Kirkman says.
It is also important parents and carers educated themselves about sexual and gender diversity, she says, and provide an open, loving and supportive environment.
"Having someone safe to talk to is really important," she says.
She says it is helpful to ensure quality resources, such as books, are available for teenagers.
Dr Kirkman says pornography is for adults aged over 18 for a reason, but that does not mean parents should not talk to their children in age-appropriate ways throughout their childhood and adolescence.
"It's not just one talk, it's ongoing," she says.
There are workshops, such as one she facilitates, that aim to build relationship skills between adults and young people.
For educators, Dr Kirkman says, there are resources that help young people develop critical literacy, which allows them to conduct a "reality check" on any pornography they consume.
She says this gives young people the skills to identify when what they see in porn is reflective of reality or a fantasy.
In developing the Reality & Risk project, Ms Crabbe aims to support young people, parents, schools, government and the community to understand and address the influence of pornography.
Parents play a vital role in helping young people critique what they see, not only in porn but in video games, advertising, music videos and other media.
"We want to create a springboard to more important conversations about respect, consent and who they want to be," she says.
For more information visit www.itstimewetalked.com.au.
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