Liam Ward was 20 years old when he took his own life.
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The music-loving biomedicine student had no history of mental illness, and no experience of drug or alcohol abuse.
He had just finished his first university degree.
“It was a complete shock,” his sister, Lynsey Ward, said.
“I remember most that he laughed a lot, worked really hard and was always up for a good time, especially if it involved music.
“He loved to find and share new music, attend festivals, go out with friends and laugh.”
The Tylden woman was 18 when she found her brother and since the siblings’ parents were out of town, it fell to her to raise the alarm.
Since Liam’s death in 2008, Lynsey has dedicated herself to helping other families bereaved by suicide, joining the Macedon Ranges Suicide Prevention Action Group, which offers services for families left behind when someone takes their own life, as well as striving for suicide prevention.
She will speak about her experience with suicide and the efforts of MRSPAG at this month's prevention march in Bendigo.
Lynsey said initiatives like the Macedon Ranges group, and Suicide Prevention and Awareness Network Central Victoria, which organises the march, were critical for families when taxpayer-funded support services in regional areas were in meagre supply.
The shortcoming distresses Lynsey.
“I felt lost for a long time after Liam’s suicide because I had not met anyone who had experienced this that I was able to speak to or draw upon for help, and any support services that I researched were in Richmond, Ballarat or Bendigo,” she said.
In the hours that followed her brother’s death, counsellors were quick to phone Lynsey. But in her grief, she rebuffed their advances.
After all, how could they understand what she was feeling?
“They were faceless people I didn’t know, checking on me as if I was suicidal. It all felt very strange,” she said.
But MRSPAG’s peer-run Support after Suicide group is strengthening the Macedon Ranges help network by bringing grieving families together.
People who have lost loved ones to suicide can help each other to navigate their pain.
“My friends are wonderful, but there is nothing quite like being understood without having to try to explain.”
In fact, the relationships of friends and family are put under immense pressure in the fallout that follows a suicide, Lynsey said, explaining many people drift apart because they do not know what to do or what to say.
“A lot of people lose a lot of friends,” she said.
“I was lucky to have most of [my friends] around but it still plays out in a different kind of way, them not mentioning the suicide because it’s all a bit too hard, and they don't know what language to use.”
She said it was important people were sensitive with their choice of words, preferring "to take one’s own life" or "to suicide" rather than “to commit suicide”. Families and friends of those who have taken their own life can be described as having "lived experience of" or being "berieved by" suicide.
But she said every community member with lived experience of suicide was different, and the best way to find out how to approach the topic was to ask them.
She urged the community to lend support to those whose loved ones had taken their own life, rather than just ignoring the subject altogether.
"If you're afraid to ask questions or clarify something, it's just going to mean there is this elephant in the room, which everyone knows is there," she said.
"My suggestion would be to start by asking, 'Are you OK to talk about it?'
"It's much harder for them to broach the topic if you shut them down."
Lynsey also concedes Liam’s death inextricably changed her identity. She describes herself as hypersensitive, and said she began having panic attacks and worrying about everyone she held dear.
“To this day, I still assume the worst and become anxious if I have not heard from someone,” she said.
But despite her family’s tragedy, Lynsey remains optimistic about her future and the prospects for people who might feel they have no other choice but to end their life.
She participates in the Out of the Shadows walk in Woodend every September that, like the SPAN march, is an opportunity for loved ones and their supporters to share their grief and abolish stigma.
“I would trade everything in the world for my brother back, but I have learnt a lot about myself and the world because of his choice,” she said.
“I believe we can create a change in the number of people feeling disconnected, unwell or suicidal.”
It is glimmer of hope to emerge from darkness of Liam’s loss.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a difficult time, phone Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Reach out to MRSPAG for help at macedonrangesspag@gmail.com.