Central Victorian man calls for more support for male victims of domestic violence

Rob, who did not wish to use his full name, contacted the Bendigo Advertiser recently in response to the White Ribbon campaign that was celebrated in Bendigo last month.

Rob has been both a victim and perpetrator of domestic violence and said he was turned away by the authorities when he sought help.

“I was in a relationship with a girl for two-and-a-half years and I tolerated abuse for the last 

11 months of the relationship,” he said.

“I sought help but there was nothing around for men.

“My former partner did not believe that the problem stemmed from her actions and often said that I could not possibly blame her and that it was different for girls.

“My initial contact was with a men’s behavioural group but because I wasn’t a perpetrator they weren’t interested in talking to me.

“I went to the police but a female basically mocked me and said, ‘Men aren’t abused’.”

Rob said the abuse – verbal, emotional and physical – started in August 2010.

He said he and his partner had been separated for about eight weeks, they then reconciled and things began to fall apart again shortly after.

Rob said he remembered one violent episode where she repeatedly hit him with her make-up case, leaving him cut up and bleeding and with loose and broken teeth.

He said his partner used to regularly “smash things up” and once smashed a kettle against a fridge, leaving him to clean up the mess.

“One night she beat my chest in the hallway of my home,” he said.

“She said to me, ‘If I had a knife right now I would stab you’... this woman was really hurting me.

“She broke a bone in my hand and perforated my eardrum.”

Rob said that after episodes of violence in August, April and May, he finally lost his temper and hit his partner.

“I had had enough of being hurt,” he said.

“On that occasion, in June 2011, I was in bed and she came in and hit me with something and then threw a jug of water in my face.

“So I sat up and slapped her face... the next morning the police were at my door.

“It was the same police officer I’d made the complaint to, who’d ignored me.” Rob said he ended up in court and now had a criminal record.

“Everyone, even my lawyer, said ‘don’t say anything about her, it will only ruffle the magistrate’s feathers’,” she said.

“I now have a criminal record for a violent crime, while she gets away with everything she did to me.

“I used be on the volunteer list for the City of Greater Bendigo.

“I can’t do that anymore.

“My working with children has been revoked.

“I’ll never be able to work in local government again. Your insurances go up –  everything you can think of, this affects.”

Rob said he supported the White Ribbon movement and had bought a wristband, but he didn’t wear it for fear of being hypocritical.

“But I was frustrated and angry when I heard some things,” he said. “Everything is biased towards women. People need to know there is another side.

“I couldn’t get help anywhere. It’s nonsense.

“During the White Ribbon Day promotion I listened to some police officer from Bendigo talk on ABC Radio saying people who abuse women are thugs.

“Yes, I did what I did, but it was an act of last resort.

“It disgusts me that I allowed this woman to drag me to this level.”