Little girls who would be safe, if not for men such as her husband Gary and a growing market for online exploitation.

But Dr Carling-Jenkins and her son, who discovered this material in their family home, are also victims in this wrenching story.

She's been hounded by some for not "sticking by" her husband.

"This is an attitude in society that, no matter what, a wife should not stand up and call her husband out," she said.

There are thousands of reports of online child exploitation every year and 99 per cent of perpetrators are male. They are most often aged 25-50 and married with children.

Mr Average, in other words.

And for every Mr Average who is exposed, there are partners and families whose lives fall apart and weather scrutiny from friends and family.

Sometimes the seriousness of the offence is minimised: "It's just porn, he didn't touch anyone".

Or guilt is doled out: "How could you do this to him, you'll wreck his life. He'll lose his job".

And blame creeps in: "Surely you must have known?".

Let's be clear, child exploitation material is not "child porn". This is not a quirky sub-genre of consensual, adult pornography.

Child abuse material is images and video of real-life sexual assault of children. It's a collusion in the continued sexual abuse of children and infants.

The Australian Federal Police received 11,000 reports of online child exploitation in 2015, the most recently available data.

Dr Carling-Jenkins told parliament at first she thought her estranged husband had a mental illness, but soon realised his behaviour stemmed from something "far more sinister".

He continues to abuse her financially and emotionally, and Dr Carling-Jenkins says she remains financially vulnerable, and fearful for her safety.

Sadly, this abusive pattern is not unusual, according to Natalie Walker, the founder of PartnerSPEAK, the only Australian organisation that supports people whose partners use child abuse material.

A partner who brings child abuse material into the home is engaged in a form of family violence, Walker says.

And his behaviour often escalates at separation and follows a familiar pattern: minimisation, justification, lying and claiming nothing happened.

The sense of entitlement that underpins family violence is also present in men who abuse children.

"You can only request a child be custom-ordered, abused and videoed if you see them as objects," Walker says.

Anecdotally, we know some men who choose to perpetrate family violence also access child abuse material, says Domestic Violence Victoria head Fiona McCormack.

"There is a connection between these abusive behaviours."

The experiences of women like Dr Carling-Jenkins are a new and emerging area of study, and RMIT's Dr Marg Liddell has done world-first research with families.

Most of the women she talked to had long-term mental health issues, like post traumatic stress disorder.

None had any idea about their partners' offending until it was discovered.

One woman was so shocked when she discovered the material that she spent weeks in bed. Others said they lost friends, felt isolated and judged.

"These guys aren't 'monsters'," Dr Liddell says.

"They just seem like normal people."

Most of the families she interviewed came from middle-class backgrounds.

Gary Jenkins was sentenced to four months imprisonment on March 1 for knowingly possessing child pornography and will have to report to police for eight years after being placed on the Sex Offenders Register.

Miki Perkins is The Age's Social Affairs Editor.