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Birthday cards on the mantelpiece of Lily Bridger’s Bendigo home bring us to a discussion of a much-loved daughter lost more than 40 years ago.
A recent bout of illness threatened to end the 80-year-old’s life.
“I reckon I’ve been spared to see this thing opened,” Mrs Bridger said.
Lily is talking about the Garden of Angels at Bendigo Remembrance Park, a place for reflection and remembrance for people impacted by the loss of a baby.
For many central Victorian families, it’s the baby’s final resting place.
It took years for Lily to discover that’s where her daughter Robyn was buried after being stillborn in 1970.
For seven months, Lily felt the baby growing inside her.
Suddenly, she wasn’t getting much bigger.
After initially believing she was going to have twins, Lily found herself alone in a hospital room in Bendigo.
“All my husband said was they’ve ordered the coffin,” she said.
She never had a chance to see or cradle her child, and had limited opportunities to talk about her loss.
“It sort of wasn’t discussed,” Lily said, with reference to her time in hospital and at home.
“I went through a very depressive stage for 11 years after that.”
On September 24, 1992, Lily woke at 6am with an overwhelming urge to get up and get the paper.
On the front page of the Bendigo Advertiser was a story about Mrs Viv Roach, who had lost a baby. The story mentioned the mass burial site for babies at the cemetery.
“I got in touch with her… that was the start of knowing,” Mrs Bridger said.
She was determined to find out what had happened to Robyn.
Now that she has, and is able to visit her at the Garden of Angels, she is at peace.
“It’s really wonderful this place has been built,” Lily said.
“I love going there.”
Remembrance Parks Central Victoria has been rejuvenating the garden, which will be officially opened on October 15.
The event coincides with International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and runs from 2pm to 4pm at the cemetery at 70 Carpenter Street, Quarry Hill.
For Lily, the day will give her the chance to reflect on her life – one she says has been blessed, despite hardship.
Lily never knew her own mother, who died within days of her birth and was widowed 21 years ago.
“These things that you lose in life, you can help someone else,” she said.
“I have been blessed with people helping me through very difficult times.”
She is the proud mother of Robyn, and three adult children.
Babies remain part of families
The year was 1973, and Lorraine Priest was eight months pregnant with her first child.
She was 17 years old and living away from family when she suffered an assault which resulted in the baby’s death.
Lorraine realised something was wrong when she could no longer feel the baby’s movements.
“The baby is probably just in shock,” she initially reasoned.
After 10 days in hospital, Lorraine was told her baby had died.
“I had to go through normal labour,” Lorraine said.
“I never got to see him at all. Robert was just taken away and obviously buried somewhere.”
About 18 years later, Lorraine discovered he was buried at the Garden of Angels at Bendigo Remembrance Park.
A plaque marks Robert’s final resting place.
“It’s just magnificent,” Lorraine said of the garden.
Rejuvenation works have added to its beauty, for which she and her family are grateful.
“I feel like somebody else cares as well, enough to do that,” Lorraine said.
She and her daughter Vikki Bullock, who has also lost a child, helped with the tree planting ceremony in May.
“To go to the cemetery is something we feel we need to do,” Lorraine said.
“Having somewhere to go, I think that just means a lot.”
Robert is visited by generations of family members and acknowledged and respected as part of their midst.
“Even though they didn’t know him, they know he is Uncle Robert,” Lorraine said.
Bendigo is home to a support group for families who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death.
SANDS Victoria network coordinator Anne Bowers said the group had experienced a resurgence in the past five years.
“Most people contact SANDS after their babies have died,” she said.
“They just want to feel normal and reach out and talk to someone who has had the experience and survived it and healed and is able to be a listening ear for them.”
She said families often felt they were the only ones in their peer group who had lost a baby.
SANDS 24-hour support line: 1300 072 637. To contact your local group, phone SANDS on 9874 5400.
Stillbirth deaths outnumber road toll
An Australian support group is pushing for more education and research into stillbirths, comparing the cause of death to the road toll.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics reported 2425 perinatal deaths in Australia in 2015.
Of these, 1718 were stillbirths: fetal deaths of at least 20 weeks’ gestation or a birth weight of at least 400 grams.
The other 707 were neonatal deaths: live born babies who died within 28 days of birth.
“The national stillbirth toll dwarfs the national road toll, but ours is a toll that is met largely with silence, when what we need is a similar approach,” Stillbirth Foundation Australia general manager Victoria Bowring said.
The national road toll last year was 1205.
Stillborn deaths will cost the national economy $681.4 million in the next five years, Fairfax Media reported following a study by PricewaterhouseCoopers.
There were 348 stillbirths and 123 neonatal deaths in Victoria in 2015. That year, the TAC recorded 193 lives lost on Victorian roads.