He don’t like cricket, oh no. Usain Bolt loves it so much he wants to play for the Melbourne Stars.
Now there is no doubt the Jamaican is quick off the crease and will be a more than handy addition in the outfield, able to cover territory at a pace not seen at the MCG since Meatloaf’s exit after last year’s grand final.
But Mr Bolt should be wary, sports stars changing codes mid-career is a dicey proposition.
Israel Folau broke the record for the most tries in a debut year at the Melbourne Storm.
By contrast, in his first year for Greater Western Sydney this year he has kicked an average of 0.1 goals per game as a leading forward.
Old “Izzy-even-on-the-ground” is an unfortunate example of someone who probably should’ve stuck to what they know.
Wayne Carey said last weekend the former rugby league star would struggle to dominate a game in the Wagga Wagga seconds.
Yes, Wayne Carey is not the man I’d ask if I wanted advice on domestic happiness, maintaining friendships with teammates or remaining un-handcuffed on trips to Miami, but when it comes to football, I’ll reluctantly acknowledge The King knows his stuff.
On the footy field, Folau is like a man taking on Muhammad Ali in his peak: dazed, confused and waiting for the bell to ring.
Izzy should have learnt a lesson from Michael Jordan.
The Space Jam star, also known to some for being the greatest basketballer of all time, inexplicably left the Chicago Bulls at the peak of his career in 1993 to pursue a childhood baseball dream.
He only ever made the minor league and came crawling back to the three-point line two years later. However the venture was not a complete loss. His failure to set the baseball world alight spawned many an inspirational quote to later appear on Air Jordan ads about how trying and failing is actually succeeding.
This strange logic must have spurred on Ivan Lendl, once the greatest tennis player in the world.
Ivan the Terrible became fanatical about golf, playing up to 300 rounds a year and described by one golf commentator as a “man possessed”.
Alas, it seems not a man possessed with a great amount of golfing talent.
Highlights of his brief career include failing to qualify for the 2008 US Open and organising charity competitions shamelessly called the “Ivan Lendl Celebrity Golf Tournament” and the “Ivan Lendl Golf Classic”.
But not all sporting moves are complete failures. Scott Draper turned a mediocre tennis career into a mediocre golfing career.
Anthony Mundine was a very handy rugby player before becoming a world champion boxer, a route also taken by the infamous John Hopoate. Hopefully John’s bouts were clear of some of the more disturbing tackling techniques he used when playing for the West Tigers.
And in the clincher of all good career moves, George Foreman migrated from boxing great to terrific purveyor of low-fat grills.
But if Bolt is still not convinced that a change of sport is a good idea, maybe he should have a chat to one of his potential Stars teammates.
In 1988, Shane Warne was a chubby, baked beans-loving wannabe ladies man with a bleach-blonde mullet struggling at reserves level for the St Kilda Football Club.
Ten years on, he was a chubby, baked beans-loving wannabe ladies man with a bleach-blonde mullet carving up the top orders of international cricket teams.
Give Usain a mobile phone and Warney’s mum’s diet solutions, and the Stars could be onto a winner.