whats-on, bendigo, pride festival, lgbtiq, theatre
When he was a little girl, Ben MacEllen knew he wanted to grow up to be a boy. But it wouldn't be until Ben was in his 30s that he had the words to explain what he had felt since age eight. His one-man show Transmansplaining goes some way to explaining what his transition from a female to a gay trans man was like. A self-described "short, balding, bearded, gay, trans man", Ben uses humour, storytelling and intimate disclosures to tell people about his unique perspective of life as a male trapped in a female body Ben mixes his story with some of the funny stories and odd questions he has been asked on his journey. Mostly though, he hopes to encourage a sense of empathy from the broader community for trans people and other members of the LGBTIQ community. Transmansplaining was developed over two years. Ben had began public speaking as a trans man about educating people about the LGBTIQ community. "There were just so many humorous stories about being trans and the humorous questions people ask you," he said. "So I thought I'd put that together with some of the stories about how I came to realise I was trans and what it was like growing up. "I had always been interested in theatre (but) it had been a long time since I tread the boards - 25 years. I always regretted the fact I didn't do more with (theatre) in my teens and 20s. "I was looking towards turning 50 and thought 'it is never too late'." The show premiered in Bendigo last October and also visited Shepparton and Castlemaine. It returns on March 20 and 21 as part of Bendigo Pride Festival. Ben said it was terrific to see Bendigo Pride Festival establish itself. "Last year was the first (pride festival) and we have had the Bendigo Queer Film Festival for around 20 years but it's great to have our own (pride) festival," he said. "Obviously from the marriage equality vote in Bendigo, we have a lot of acceptance of the LGBTIQ community, so it's good to have the festival." A lack of public information about transgender people made it hard for Ben to explain his feelings when he was a young child. "So I was assigned female at birth," he said. "I was about eight when I first thought 'when I grow up, I hope I grow up to be a boy'. "Then puberty hit and in the late '70s, early '80s, you know, there was no information out there to talk about being transgender at all. So I had no clue. "You can be a tomboy for the first part of your life, run around with no top on and play boys games. Then there's an expectation when you hit puberty that you should behave like a girl." It wasn't until Ben was in his 30s that he found the words to describe his feelings. "I always felt very male inside but I had no language for it. I didn't know what it meant," he said. "(When) I was 33 I saw something on the internet and thought 'oh my goodness, that's me'. "Basically I had no idea that trans men even existed. I knew trans women like Carlotta existed but had no idea people transitioned from female to male. "So from that point I went and sought some help from the Gender Clinic in Melbourne. I went the medical route as well as the social route. I started having testosterone injections, had a mastectomy and had no idea I would have this amazing beard." Since transitioning to a male, Ben has seen the LGBTIQ community develop further. "(Even) in language. When transitioned I was a 'female to male' or FTM transexual and now we use the terms trans of transgender," Ben said. "There's much more openness now, it's still more difficult for trans and gender-diverse people than it is for gay and lesbian people. It's like we're 30 years behind the progress in terms of rights, visibility and acceptance. "We're certainly headed in the right way but there's certainly a lot of misinformation and fear mongering out there." Ben said his comfort with his identity made it easier for him to deal with the negative things targeted at the LGBTIQ community. "It's easier for me, I don't think of myself as trans except when I'm talking about it. I just think of myself as a person, I think of myself as a man," he said. "But when I think about other people, at whatever stage of their life, and they're going through a transition or coming out as non-binary, it worries me. "Unfortunately the LGBTIQ community has one of the highest rates of suicide and mental health issues. "So when I know there are online trolls and part of the media and even some parts of the government coming up with this fear mongering about the use of toilets and stuff, it adds to the stresses of young trans people. "They're under enough stress possibly from their acceptance from family and friends." Being able to communicate openly with friends and family was something Ben didn't have much of an opportunity for when he was young. "(When I was nine), I told one person 'when I want to grow up I want to be a boy' and it felt like they didn't judge me at the time but I had no idea what to do with that," he said. "I felt really pigeonholed in terms of gender stereotypes, having to wear dresses and things like that. Some females feel that too, that they're not girly-girls and they want to knock-about with trucks and football or whatever. That doesn't make them less female. Growing up my mum really wanted me to be a girl, wear make up and have perms and all that sort of stuff, but into my 30s my relationship with family had broken down before I transitioned. "So the opportunity to deal with that with them had already disappeared. It's a question people ask a lot, which is understandable." Reducing the stress in the LGBTIQ community and encouraging empathy from the broader community is two of the reasons Ben created Transmansplaining. "I thought (show) would be easier but going back to some of the questions that were very intrusive or ignorant," he said. "Your average person wouldn't ask someone about their sex life or body parts. "Often a person comes up from the show and they are the parent of a trans child. That's one of the things I get the biggest buzz out of, that I can have an impact on how that person goes away and parents their child and accepts whoever they're going to be and however they identify. "(It's important) to remember the show is my perspective. It doesn't represent everybody but it gives people an idea. If one person changes their behaviour and becomes more accepting or nurturing, it's a win for me." Ben MacEllen's Transmansplaining is on at the Engine Room in View Street on March 20 and 21 as part of Bendigo Pride Festival.
EXPERIENCES: Ben hopes his show can help some people change their behaviour and becomes more accepting. Picture: NONI HYETT
When he was a little girl, Ben MacEllen knew he wanted to grow up to be a boy.
But it wouldn't be until Ben was in his 30s that he had the words to explain what he had felt since age eight.
His one-man show Transmansplaining goes some way to explaining what his transition from a female to a gay trans man was like.
A self-described "short, balding, bearded, gay, trans man", Ben uses humour, storytelling and intimate disclosures to tell people about his unique perspective of life as a male trapped in a female body
Ben mixes his story with some of the funny stories and odd questions he has been asked on his journey.
Mostly though, he hopes to encourage a sense of empathy from the broader community for trans people and other members of the LGBTIQ community.
Transmansplaining was developed over two years. Ben had began public speaking as a trans man about educating people about the LGBTIQ community.
"There were just so many humorous stories about being trans and the humorous questions people ask you," he said.
"So I thought I'd put that together with some of the stories about how I came to realise I was trans and what it was like growing up.
"I had always been interested in theatre (but) it had been a long time since I tread the boards - 25 years. I always regretted the fact I didn't do more with (theatre) in my teens and 20s.
"I was looking towards turning 50 and thought 'it is never too late'."
The show premiered in Bendigo last October and also visited Shepparton and Castlemaine. It returns on March 20 and 21 as part of Bendigo Pride Festival.
Ben said it was terrific to see Bendigo Pride Festival establish itself.
"Last year was the first (pride festival) and we have had the Bendigo Queer Film Festival for around 20 years but it's great to have our own (pride) festival," he said.
"Obviously from the marriage equality vote in Bendigo, we have a lot of acceptance of the LGBTIQ community, so it's good to have the festival."
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A lack of public information about transgender people made it hard for Ben to explain his feelings when he was a young child.
"So I was assigned female at birth," he said. "I was about eight when I first thought 'when I grow up, I hope I grow up to be a boy'.
"Then puberty hit and in the late '70s, early '80s, you know, there was no information out there to talk about being transgender at all. So I had no clue.
"You can be a tomboy for the first part of your life, run around with no top on and play boys games. Then there's an expectation when you hit puberty that you should behave like a girl."
It wasn't until Ben was in his 30s that he found the words to describe his feelings.
"I always felt very male inside but I had no language for it. I didn't know what it meant," he said. "(When) I was 33 I saw something on the internet and thought 'oh my goodness, that's me'.
"Basically I had no idea that trans men even existed. I knew trans women like Carlotta existed but had no idea people transitioned from female to male.
"So from that point I went and sought some help from the Gender Clinic in Melbourne. I went the medical route as well as the social route. I started having testosterone injections, had a mastectomy and had no idea I would have this amazing beard."
Since transitioning to a male, Ben has seen the LGBTIQ community develop further.
"(Even) in language. When transitioned I was a 'female to male' or FTM transexual and now we use the terms trans of transgender," Ben said.
"There's much more openness now, it's still more difficult for trans and gender-diverse people than it is for gay and lesbian people. It's like we're 30 years behind the progress in terms of rights, visibility and acceptance.
"We're certainly headed in the right way but there's certainly a lot of misinformation and fear mongering out there."
Ben said his comfort with his identity made it easier for him to deal with the negative things targeted at the LGBTIQ community.
"It's easier for me, I don't think of myself as trans except when I'm talking about it. I just think of myself as a person, I think of myself as a man," he said.
"But when I think about other people, at whatever stage of their life, and they're going through a transition or coming out as non-binary, it worries me.
"Unfortunately the LGBTIQ community has one of the highest rates of suicide and mental health issues.
"So when I know there are online trolls and part of the media and even some parts of the government coming up with this fear mongering about the use of toilets and stuff, it adds to the stresses of young trans people.
"They're under enough stress possibly from their acceptance from family and friends."
Being able to communicate openly with friends and family was something Ben didn't have much of an opportunity for when he was young.
"(When I was nine), I told one person 'when I want to grow up I want to be a boy' and it felt like they didn't judge me at the time but I had no idea what to do with that," he said.
"I felt really pigeonholed in terms of gender stereotypes, having to wear dresses and things like that. Some females feel that too, that they're not girly-girls and they want to knock-about with trucks and football or whatever. That doesn't make them less female. Growing up my mum really wanted me to be a girl, wear make up and have perms and all that sort of stuff, but into my 30s my relationship with family had broken down before I transitioned.
"So the opportunity to deal with that with them had already disappeared. It's a question people ask a lot, which is understandable."
Reducing the stress in the LGBTIQ community and encouraging empathy from the broader community is two of the reasons Ben created Transmansplaining.
"I thought (show) would be easier but going back to some of the questions that were very intrusive or ignorant," he said. "Your average person wouldn't ask someone about their sex life or body parts.
"Often a person comes up from the show and they are the parent of a trans child. That's one of the things I get the biggest buzz out of, that I can have an impact on how that person goes away and parents their child and accepts whoever they're going to be and however they identify.
"(It's important) to remember the show is my perspective. It doesn't represent everybody but it gives people an idea. If one person changes their behaviour and becomes more accepting or nurturing, it's a win for me."
Ben MacEllen's Transmansplaining is on at the Engine Room in View Street on March 20 and 21 as part of Bendigo Pride Festival.
