WHEN I think about my brother I remember a strong, talented and caring person.

It had taken me many years to get to the point where I am not overwhelmed by grief, anger and painful memories surrounding his death.

My brother Daniel took his life 14 years ago and I have always convinced myself that sharing my story about his death would somehow tarnish his memory and overpower the lifetime of cherished memories my family and I shared with him.

I hope in writing this experience it may bring some peace or a better understanding of suicide.

Daniel was 17 years old when he died and I will always remember the devastation it caused to everyone who knew him - our family, his friends, his workmates and the school community.

Suicide during this time was certainly not unheard of; however, it was barely spoken about and the stigma was and still is very real.

I would often be told he was in a better place. There were people who preferred to describe his death as an accident, there were people who bullied me in high school about suicide and there were people would simply ignore me.

I like to believe that most people just didn't know what to say or were afraid to acknowledge how tragic his death was, but this would incite so much anger and hurt that felt like it would never go away.

I had never once felt embarrassed or ashamed of the way Daniel passed; however, sometimes it felt like other people were and this was an unpleasant reason to refrain from talking about him.

In among the negativity and sadness there was an incredible support system from our family, friends and the school we attended and it felt as though this was the gateway to an open conversation and awareness surrounding mental health and suicide within the school community.

The effect of this cannot be measured but the impact of mental health self-awareness and the ability to support each other without judgement will save so many lives.

The last time I saw Daniel was the afternoon before he died and this memory is as clear today as it was then. He was happy, peaceful, his normal self.

This can be what the face of depression looks like; we just can't see into people's minds.

I fell into a pit of blaming myself for not seeing how unhappy he was, could I have said something that could have changed his mind? Did I miss any signs he was giving to me? Who could I blame for this? How could he do this? How could he not think about our family? How could he be so selfish?

These were the kind of questions that would constantly flood my mind and for a time I was so hateful and angry towards him for leaving so much sadness and heartache behind.

After quite some time I realised that I could not judge his decision to end his life with my own healthy mindset and suicide was a reflection of someone who was struggling with mental health problems.

I came to understand that like many people with mental illness, his depression diminished his insight and judgement to a point where he didn't consider these things the way a healthy mind does.

I believe that in a healthy state of mind he would have never meant to inflict this on anybody and in acknowledging this, I found some kind of peace.

If you need help, talk to someone you trust or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

RELATED: SPAN walk starts conversations about suicide prevention in Bendigo

Now in its eighth year, Bendigo's Suicide Prevention Awareness Network walk has built a reputation as an emotional but positive day for participants.

SPAN committee member Haylee Kennedy said people who attend the annual event find comfort in knowing they are not alone.

"During the walk you can see the look on people's faces, walking beside their loved ones. You see grief, hurt and heartache," she said.

"But as walk progresses, people chat to strangers and get a sense of comfort. It's that reassurance that they are not the only one who has been through this.

"It is an emotional experience but people love the fact they can get together and talk about their loved ones. This is a time they can share stories."

RELATED: Memories and emotion at SPAN Walk

Ms Kennedy said Bendigo had heaped support behind the SPAN walk because suicide affects so many people.

"Suicide affects the whole community and Bendigo is renowned for getting behind someone if there is a crisis or a death in the family," she said.

"I can see a lot more people are seeking support and generating conversation in families, work places and sporting clubs."

Bendigo's SPAN Walk begins in the Dai Gum San precinct at 8am with a barbecue breakfast for the Ride4Life riders.

Live music will feature from 9.30am before the official welcome at 10am and the walk starting at 11am.

The walk ends at Dai Gum San at 11.45am with the butterfly ceremony.

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