We have the great Victorian author Charles Dickens to thank for one of the immortal lines of Christmas. Ebenezer Scrooge (a word now synonymous with being a tightwad) sets the scene in the the early pages of A Christmas Carol for his miserliness. “Bah!” said Scrooge, “Humbug!” when greeted with festive cheer. “What reasons have you to be merry? You’re poor enough.”
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Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of Christmas. I like the good spirit that washes over people at this time of year. The goodwill towards mankind. It makes a change from the trolling that is, sadly, spreading.
However, there are a few, well, humbugs that we could do without.
So, in that spirit, I present to you my 12 Bah! Humbugs of Christmas
One - It starts in August I mean, really. It may be the end of winter so all the trimmings make sense but we’re still four months out. Chill, people.
Two – Christmas songs If I hear Jingle Bells over a PA system one more time ....
Three – Buying things we don't need Including gifts that we greet with a rictus grin and say “great” about, then toss in the back of the cupboard, only to be brought out when Aunty Joan visits. Or we sell on Ebay.
Four – Waste We spend a fortune on expensive wrapping paper that people screw up and toss out. And there’s always a mountain of food left over that ends up in the bin. There’s only so many ways you can use leftover sprouts.
Five – Still on food, Part 1 What's with turkey/chicken/pork/duck/turducken, stuffing and Christmas pudding in 35C heat?
Six – Still on food, Part 2: We eat too much … and then sit, in the heat, and whinge about eating too much. It could be an Olympic sport. Bah! Just don’t eat so much.
Seven – Shopping (but not for presents) Your fav store is going to be overrun by the hordes battling for the last “must-have”. It isn’t pretty. I’ve been known to duck down back streets when I see gift bags at 20 paces.
Eight – Everybody’s frazzled and grumpy Say no more
Nine – The “happy” family time You arrive, everybody’s on their best behaviour, and then the bickering starts. After a day or two a holiday to Siberia is looking pretty good.
Ten – We kill trees Just to decorate them with tawdy, shiny objects.
Eleven – Boxing Day sales aren’t one day They start in November. Online. My inbox is clogged with “deals” I don’t want.
Twelve - Soppy, soapy movies. Somebody is going to screen Titanic. Again. Yes, unfortunately, their hearts truly do go on.