Making aMENds: Becoming a better dad aims to support fathers in the Loddon region who have had contact with the justice system to acknowledge and accept responsibility for the trauma they have inflicted upon their children and their children’s mothers, and work towards reparation.

The biggest challenge faced by services working with men who use violence is getting them to take responsibility for their actions.

For years, the Centre for Non-Violence has been working with both victims and perpetrators of family violence.

While launching the Bendigo-based organisation’s innovative new program this week, CNV senior manager of therapeutic services Cheryl Munzel said fathers who used violence often didn’t see themselves as perpetrators.

They instead blamed the mother of their child/ren, or saw it as a product of conflict.

Perpetrators also displayed a lack of understanding about how their violence impacted their children, Ms Munzel said.

RELATED: A letter to our community – we must do more to protect women and children from violence

One of the guiding principles of CNV’s pilot program, Making aMENds: Becoming a better dad, is that the safety of women and children takes priority.

Another is that safety comes from the belief that abuse is not acceptable and is the perpetrator’s sole responsibility.

“A man needs to believe and demonstrate that his behaviour is not acceptable,” Ms Munzel said.

“It’s a lot to ask.”

But CNV believes it’s possible, and has developed a 16-week group program to motivate abusive men to become better fathers and father figures, and more supportive partners.

The curriculum of Making aMENds includes topics such as becoming a more nurturing, child-centred father; the impact on your children and your children’s mother; and respecting and supporting the woman as a parenting partner.

It also includes one topic Ms Munzel said was atypical for a men’s behaviour change initiative: inviting participants to examine their childhood experiences with their own fathers.

Related: ‘Preventable’ deaths due to violence a source of tragedy and hope

Making aMENds doesn’t just aim to address the perpetrator’s abuse, Ms Munzel said, but to stop intergenerational violence.

Fears of intergenerational violence weighed heavily on the minds of children and young people who had lived with abuse, guest speaker Dr Katie Lamb said at the launch event.

She said children and young people she had interviewed had told her they were scared of becoming violent parents, or becoming partnered with a violent parent. 

Others told her they had no desire to become parents because they believed the world was too frightening to bring a child into.

“They’re much more aware of violence in their families than their parents think,” Dr Lamb said.

Related: Reported family-violence assaults down but statistics can’t tell whole story

She highlighted a need for children to be offered the opportunity to be involved in men’s behaviour change programs.

Dr Lamb said some children described wanting to engage in a process of reparation with their fathers, whether or not they wanted an ongoing relationship with them.

At the very least, she said children wanted to know if their fathers were involved in men’s behaviour change programs.

Dr Lamb said one of the biggest factors in whether a young person wanted to rebuild their relationship with their father was whether he could co-parent more positively with their mother.

Making aMENds supports children and their mothers, in addition to providing a suite of ‘wraparound’ services for perpetrators.

The program recognises the relationship between children and their mothers and considers them as a ‘dyad’ – two sides of the same coin.

Related: How to stop family violence – effect cultural change

“The choices that fathers make matter,” Ms Munzel said as she explained the theory behind the program.

She said the mother and children’s situations were tied to those choices, and abuse did not necessarily have to be directed at the child or witnessed by the child to be damaging to them.

Developing an understanding of the many types of violence that exist and how they affect children’s and women’s lives is part of the program.

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“Engaging in, or completing, a men’s behavioural change or Making aMENds program does not guarantee that contact with children or partners will be safe,” the program’s guiding principles stated.

Ms Munzel said perpetrators were subjected to rigorous assessments to test their suitability to participate in the program. But that didn’t mean a positive outcome was guaranteed.

Making aMENds was one of five projects funded by the family violence perpetrator interventions grants program, out of more than 50 applications.

Nicole Schlesinger, of the Department of Justice and Regulation, said the grants aimed to build up an evidence base of models of working with men who used violence towards family members that were effective, and weren’t effective.

She said the pilot programs would help the department identify models that could be worth pursuing and investing in.

Dr Lamb was hopeful for the future of Making aMENds.

She said the program put children’s perspectives in the room with their fathers, front and centre, and was hopeful the approach would help families living with the effects of violence.

“I will be following their program’s progress with very keen interest,” Dr Lamb told attendees at the launch.

Making aMENds is already operational and is offered by CNV in partnership with the department.

If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au.

Men looking to end their violent or abusive behaviour can call the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491.

In an emergency, call 000.