For Launceston’s Ricky Meerding, coming to terms with his sexuality and living with HIV was never a story he thought of sharing with complete strangers.
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But that is exactly what the 24-year-old has been doing as one of the Launceston Human Library’s ‘human books’.
Ricky’s story begins when he was 19.
It was a time in his life where he said he finally worked up the courage to “come out” as a gay man.
At college, he said at first he was “in the closet” and scared of his sexuality and how others might perceive him if he was honest.
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“I was worried they might treat me differently if they knew about it, or cease wanting to have anything to do with me at all,” he said.
“It certainly seems to me that in schools, being different is somehow wrong.”
Eventually Ricky worked up the courage to confide in people, starting with his friends and then later his parents.
“I sat my best friend down during lunch and I used every ounce of courage to tell her,” he said.
“She smiled and was supportive, and that gave me the courage to come out and tell more people around school.
“My parents were also supportive and that in turn gave me a huge sigh of relief.”
Now starting to feel more comfortable in his own skin, Ricky started to enjoy his new life and even fell in love for the first time.
“At the end of school I got a boyfriend and things were great until a year later,” he said.
“Because it was my first breakup, I was broken hearted.”
Ricky said he then went down a path of bad decisions, including having unprotected sex.
“I was stupid and didn’t use protection when I should of done,” he said.
“Although in school I wasn’t taught much about the practice of safe sex, nor same sex relationships. So I was oblivious.”
When a friend found out what Ricky had been doing, he was encouraged to visit a sexual health clinic – something he said he did “begrudgingly”.
It was here that Ricky received the news that would change his life.
“As the doctor did the tests, she explained all the different sexual diseases I can catch and I was worried as this was the first I [had] heard of it,” he said.
“I waited a week and got my results.
“She sat me down and said – I’m sorry but you have been diagnosed with being HIV positive.”
At just 20 years old, Ricky said he was absolutely shattered by the news and immediately felt unlovable, depressed and suicidal.
“What saved me was the goal of wanting to badly to be loved for who I was,” he said.
“So I took it to reach the goal I set for myself to make it to tomorrow, and so on.”
One night while watching television, Ricky came across a segment on The Project, which was looking for people living with sexually transmitted diseases.
He decided it was time he started telling his story and after volunteering to be interviewed, Ricky soon found himself on national television.
”Watching it lifted the weight off my shoulders and made me want to tell more people to help reduce the stigma surrounding HIV,” he said.
“Not just for myself, but for anyone else too.”
Ricky’s next experience as a story teller would be through the Launceston Human Library, which last month celebrated its 10 year anniversary.
An initiative of the City of Launceston, the program is aimed at breaking down stereotypes and prejudices through storytelling.
Ricky is one of about 70 human books who have shared their stories since its inception, with regular appearances at local schools, colleges and community events.
Aside from sharing his own experiences and the lessons learned from his mistakes, Ricky said he is passionate about changing the negative connotations often associated with the word ‘gay’.
“There was a phrase that I kept hearing which was – that’s so gay,” he said.
“The word gay was used in a sarcastic, often snarky tone.
“I tried my best to tell people it offended me and for the most part they apologised and [it] ceased, however I often got one or two people who told me to stop making a scene and get over it, which I tried my best to do.
“I talk about that and I talk about the danger of unprotected sex a lot, because I am passionate about campaigning for safe sex especially in schools.
“Every school I go to, I always ask them – do you know what HIV is?
“I want to give them that hope that no matter how bad things can get, it can always get better.”
- If you or someone you know needs help, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.