They tasted like potato. And salt. And a bit of grease. 

Now, another little personal confession: I like supermarket shopping.

It’s an interesting mental challenge to beat their prices, to not be tricked by their retail behavioural strategies, to plan interesting meals. It is also a fascinating insight into society.

I once studied marketing, and when you are shown the tricks of the trade, it can be very liberating.

But back to chips.

My enjoyment of supermarket shopping is taking a bit of a belting lately. Hipsters have invaded the chip aisle.

It’s been coming for a while, but recently it has accelerated beyond expectations and I fear I am – yet again – bewildered.

Those little five-cent memories are being trampled by complexity and chaos.

This week, wandering slowly past the snack offerings, I had to stop to ask Mrs Whack to help me comprehend what the hell I was seeing.

One claimed it had “champagne vinaigrette and shallot” flavor. Next to it was “sriracha chilli and wild lime”.

What the hell is sriracha chili? Gawd, I’ve yet to master how to pronounce “quinoa”, and yes, there is a chip flavoured with it right there on our IGA supermarket shelf.

Below that were the tubes of Pringles and you think: Pringles – got to be pretty safe with those, surely?

But no, there are “buttered popcorn”-flavoured Pringle potato crisps. And, joy of joys, there were also “barbeque” Pringles and … please tell me this was delirium setting in – “meat pie”-flavoured Pringles.

It was time to get serious. 

Lurking on the shelves were:

Honey soy chicken with Stradbroke Island honey; Chipotle and Manuka honey; Smoked Gouda and chives; Fiery roasted habanero; Garlic bread and chilli; Sweet chilli and sour cream; Wagyu beef and wasabi cream; Sea salt and black truffle; Sea salt and balsamic vinegar; Slow roast pork belly; Creamy garlic Caesar salad; Borsch (beetroot soup) and Wasabi ginger.

On and on they went. And at the end there were the poor little aged and all-but-forgotten potato chips, with the once-exotic chicken or salt-n-vinegar options.

But, hang on, I said, it could be worse.

World chip watchers have noted that among the flavours available in other countries but yet (hopefully) to hit our shores are:

Haggis and cracked black pepper; American hot dog; Cucumber; Cheese and lobster; Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding; Hot chilli squid; Cajun squirrel; Chilli and chocolate; Cappuccino; Fish and chips; Yoghurt and green onion

Some are plainly gag-inducing, and among these I include the Vegemite-flavoured chips. All the flavours listed are (in the main) quite good and exciting on their own. But why bugger it up by saying that just because potato chips are tasty and wasabi is sort of ok, together they might be better?

And why chuck in things which some of us have never heard of?

“Have some habanero, my dear?” “Why certainly, good sir, but only if it comes with chipotle and sriracha chilli.”

(Footnote: impress the living daylights out of your friends by announcing that chipotle is just a smoke-dried jalapeño.)