She was 50 and had never got a tattoo, but she was looking for a new beginning.

Carol walked away with a large tattoo of a phoenix high up on her back.

“The phoenix was symbolic, rising from the ashes, after the old me burnt away with Mick in the ashes,” she said.

“I’m not the same person as before, not better or worse, just different.”

Of course, getting that tattoo was painful.

“But it was my right of passage, I felt I’d earned it,” she said.

“It’s part of moving on, doing something out of the norm, the new me.”

The Black Saturday fires burned across Victoria in February 2009 and resulted in Australia’s highest loss of life from a bushfire disaster, totalling 173.

The fire in the Bendigo area burned through Long Gully and Eaglehawk, reaching within two kilometres of central Bendigo and destroying 61 houses.

And it claimed Mick Kane’s life.

Carol said her husband’s death changed her profoundly.

“I began to let go of the old life for my own piece of mind, because there was no getting it back,” she said.

About four years ago, Carol eventually sold the block where her house burned down.

“It was a connection to my old life and it was hard letting go of my old life,” she said.

“I’d been putting it off for a while and making excuses.

“I used to think about what might have happened if Black Saturday hadn’t happened, but no longer.

“It drives you insane and it is another thing you have to let go.”

Carol is now able to enjoy life.

“I’ve chosen to move on and I choose to be happy now,” she said.

Three years ago, Carol started writing a book, the start of a trilogy.

She started writing to occupy her time, but then soon discovered that she actually enjoyed it.

Carol became immersed in the world she created and it acted as a distraction from thinking about other things, specifically the fires.

But it’s also something she’s really proud of.

“The old me would never have put a book on Amazon,” Carol said.

“I used to go to a party and be the person behind the cactus in the corner.

“The book is me putting something out there that you created and although you know people will judge it, that’s not what putting it up is about.”

Carol said she is not afraid of receiving a bad review as that is not what it is all about for her.

She has already achieved what she wanted to achieve simply by putting her book on Amazon – she has put herself out there – something she would never have done before.

So, in that respect, she has already won.

Carol has published two books so far, Realms of the Gods and Island of the Gods, both on Amazon.

Next up, she is working on the third book in the trilogy.

Carol has come a long way since those early days after the fires.

For the first couple of years there were remembrance events and sometimes she wanted to try to escape it all.

“On anniversaries of Black Saturday, well, I don’t like that time of the year,” she said.

“I get moody and withdrawn and I try to block it out and I try to keep busy and do different things, but it’s easier now.”

Two children were charged over the Bendigo fires but in November 2011 they were found unfit to be tried because of intellectual disabilities.

“I don’t blame anyone now.” she said.

“For the first two years I blamed the two kids and I also blamed their parents for not making them accept responsibility.

“But in the end, they’re kids and blaming them would just make me bitter and I don’t want to be bitter, but it was hard to get to that point.”

She said what made the difference was going to Melbourne for one of the court hearings and seeing they were just kids.

“They didn’t have devil horns or anything,” she said.

In those early years after the fires, Carol enjoyed being by herself - she still does - but she realised if you have been through a trauma, you can’t just cut yourself off.

“It’s too easy to fall into isolation and I know that’s not good for me,” she said.

Carol said she has come to the conclusion that she does not want to become defined by what happened.

“I realised I had to let go or it would have destroyed me,” she said.

And it hasn’t been easy.

“I still have flashbacks,” she said.

Carol said she has to stop blaming herself for what happened, but knowing this and coming to terms with it are two different things.

“I know I’m not to blame for what happened but there’s still that evil little voice that sometimes pops into my head,” she said.

Carol said she will be forever grateful for the tremendous support she received from the Bendigo community.

“I remember going out for lunch and a lady came up to me and gave me a set of towels and another sent me a card,” she said.

Carol’s current book, Realm of the Gods, is available on Amazon.