It is fair to say Chris Butler’s proposal to his boyfriend of 23 years was an unsentimental occasion.
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There was no ring, no elaborate set-up. No one got down on bended knee.
In fact, the whole event played out over the phone last Wednesday, just hours after the results of the marriage law postal survey were announced.
“I rang him up and said, 'So the vote's yes. Do you want to get married?',” 55-year-old Chris said.
John Richards’ answer was quick and simple: “Okay.”
So understated was the proposal that it was not until he recounted the conversation to his colleagues that John, 45, realised what happened.
“I went back to work and everybody freaked out saying, 'Oh my god, you’re engaged’,” John said.
He quickly dialled back to check he heard correctly. Chris confirmed it was indeed a marriage proposal.
“Was I underwhelmed?” John asked his partner.
“Oh it's been 23 years, the novelty wears off,” Chris replied, understandingly.
Long time in the making
As they recount the story over coffees in Chancery Lane, there is rarely a pause; the pair finish each other’s sentences.
Their voices are different – John’s deep and and rich and loud, Chris’ voice quieter and calming –but complementary.
The couple first met through mutual friends in 1993. John was working in radio and Chris was a student.
They lived together in a sharehouse for an entire year before realising their relationship was something more than housemates.
Although it was not a legal possibility in Australia, marriage was something the couple often discussed in the ensuing years.
“Over time, it went from (wanting) unicorns and jet packs and confetti cannons, to ‘let's just find a registry office somewhere’,” John said.
Read more: Bendigo marches for marriage equality
While living overseas, they saw firsthand the sort of legal vulnerability unmarried couples could experience.
Chris once turned down a job in the United States because getting John a visa proved too difficult.
Because same-sex marriages were not yet recognised by US law, John was only entitled to a three-month tourist visa with no work rights.
The same scenario played out in Canada.
Even in the more progressive United Kingdom, John and Chris jumped through bureaucratic hoops to prove their relationship, submitting to authorities a dossier of photographs and testimonials to prove their long and loving relationship was real.
The process was not required of married couples.
“That was the first time I went, 'This getting married thing has a point, because up until then we didn't particularly care’,” Chris said.
They both recalled the case of David Bulmer-Rizzi, the British man who died while honeymooning in Adelaide, as a reason why legal recognition of same-sex partnerships was important.
Under South Australian law, Mr Bulmer-Rizzi’s widower was denied next-of-kin status and was not named on the death certificate.
“In the end, it was the point that we could both be in the same room when one of us is dying,” John said.
I want that protection, that's mostly what it is about
Planning underway
It was even impossible to escape discrimination at loved ones’ weddings when celebrants read out the monitum. The legal statement explains marriage was between one man and one woman “to the exclusion of all others”.
But when more than 60 per cent of Australians – and 68 per cent of Bendigo residents – voted in favour of marriage equality, they were also opening up to couples like Chris and John a precious, new vocabulary.
John delighted in the fact he could now change his Facebook status to “engaged”.
It was not something he considered doing before this week’s turn of events.
“That felt really quite startling,” he said.
Similarly, the couple could refer to one another as “fiance”. Chris said he sometimes used the word “husband”, though admitted it felt “illegitimate” before marriage equality was enshrined in law.
Their first week of engaged life was full of these sorts of discoveries. Plans for the big day were already afoot and with it came the understanding that weddings were not a cheap affair.
Among the ideas already discussed was a street party right here in Chancery Lane.
John still has his heart set on that confetti cannon too, but Chris will take some convincing.