Life, maybe even carrots, will kill you

TRUE STORY: It's a fact that nearly every sick person in the world has eaten carrots. Obviously, the effects are cumulative. Picture: Veniamin Kraskov/Shutterstock.com
TRUE STORY: It's a fact that nearly every sick person in the world has eaten carrots. Obviously, the effects are cumulative. Picture: Veniamin Kraskov/Shutterstock.com

Consider yourself warned: it is a dangerous world out there. Many of us like to go online to get information about health, nutrition and living, but sometimes you wonder why.

This week a “lifestyle” site on the MSN network offered a very scary click-bait article screamed out the following: “50 Foods You Should Stop Eating Right Now”. Not later, or when you get around to it, but right NOW.

Curious, we plunged into this swamp of warning and found the stuff we must stop eating now were (take a deep breath): Soft drinks, white bread toast, potato chips, sugar, canned soup, cereal bars, processed meat, doughnuts, artificial sweeteners, fruit juices, bacon, hotdogs, cupcakes, icing on cupcakes, fries, lollies, canned vegetables, popcorn in paper bags, potatoes, frozen pizzas, many breakfast cereals, fruit flavoured drinks, pre-prepared frozen meals, milk, energy drinks, corn syrup, cordials, hydrogenated oils, monosodium glutamates, some jams, smoothies, wine, whipped “cream” in cans, red meat, iced tea or coffee, ham, chocolate bars, barbecued meat, alcohol, many cheeses, white rice, tomato sauce, sausages, rice cakes, preserved pickles, farmed fish, instant soup, commercial cake mixes, crackers, oyster sauce.

We also found a warning against drinking water in urban areas. As they say, life is fatal and none of us is getting out of this alive.

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DTM wishes it had been the first to report this.

WARNING: Carrots Can Kill You

  • Every carrot you eat brings you nearer to death.
  • Nearly all sick people have eaten carrots. 
  • An estimated 99.9 per cent of all people who die from cancer and heart disease have eaten carrots.
  • 99.9 per cent of people involved in car accidents ate carrots within 60 days of their accidents.
  • Carrot eaters born between 1900 & 1920 have been noted to have wrinkled skin, brittle bones and failing eyesight.
  • And lastly, among the people born in 1900 who later dined on carrots, there has been 100 per cent mortality!