FOR much of his 10 years in the AFL system at Hawthorn, Bendigo’s Rick Ladson battled more than just the opposition.
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In fact, there were times throughout his career that the 22 players in the opposition jumpers were the least of Ladson’s worries.
Ladson also had to deal with mental illness – a mix of depression that can be traced back to his teenage years when his mum, Carol, was first diagnosed with breast cancer, the anxiety of the fear of failure that stemmed from his school days and the despair that came with what was a constant battle with injury.
Ladson did his best to hide his mental struggles from his family and team-mates, but is now opening up about his battles through his involvement in the AFL beyondblue Cup between Hawthorn and Sydney next Friday at the MCG.
The clash between the Hawks and Swans aims to raise awareness of mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression and suicide prevention.
While struggling off the field with his mental health, Ladson reached the AFL’s pinnacle in 2008 when he played in Hawthorn’s grand final win over Geelong in which he kicked the goal that sealed the Hawks’ flag.
That was the ultimate high of Ladson’s career, but he also endured dark lows as the depression he tried to hide drained him emotionally.
“When I was injured during my AFL career, it’s such a tough time and a really lonely place being in the rehab group,” Ladson said this week.
“I had never missed a game of footy until I got to Hawthorn and then all I knew was injuries and being part of the rehab group.
“The constant setbacks of when you think you’re finally getting going again… to cop another injury, then another, it probably played a few mind games with me and there were times when I was very depressed.
“Once you get back on deck and are playing footy again, it starts to take away all those negative feelings, but no doubt it was very tough at times.”
The Hawks took Ladson with selection 16 from the Bendigo Pioneers in the 2001 “super draft”.
He played 125 games for the Hawks – the first in 2003 when he debuted against Carlton in an 11-point win at Princes Park; the last against the Gold Coast in 2011.
However, injury cost him about 100 games of his career, and as frustrating as that was, it paled into insignificance in November, 2009, when Ladson’s best mate, his dad Barry, who just over a year earlier had been in the MCG stands watching his son win an AFL premiership, died of a heart attack.
“It was a really good three years in 2006, 2007 and 2008. I got on top of my injuries, didn’t miss too many games (played 69 of a possible 73 games) and I was really able to consolidate,” Ladson said.
“But after only playing three games in 2009 and then losing Dad in November that year, that’s when it really started to snowball.
“Dad was my best mate… we spoke every day; sometimes five times a day. We spoke before I turned my phone off before each game, so when I lost him, I also lost someone I could talk to about my struggles.
“I didn’t go out of control or anything like that after Dad died and the club supported me as much as it could… I knew why I felt down, but I just didn’t talk about it. My mates knew why I was down, but I had a bit of an uncanny way of being able to put on a brave face around them and had to use a lot of my positive energy to be happy at training.
“I remember there were days getting to training and not wanting to get out of the car because I just didn’t feel good at all. But I’d find a way to get in there and try to train the best I could and then at the end of the day I’d be just exhausted from trying to hide my emotions.
“When you’re playing at an elite level, you need to prepare at an elite level and that is really tough when you’re not sleeping and you feel sick at the thought of eating, so you’re not filling your body properly and that then leads to more injuries.
“By the end of 2011, I just had nothing left and as devastating as it was to be leaving the place that had been my home for 10 years, it paved the way to move forward and work on my depression.”
Now six years out of the AFL system and having returned to football in central Victoria – firstly with the Bendigo Bombers in the VFL in 2012, then two years at Golden Square, which included coaching a flag in 2013, and now at Bridgewater, where he played in a premiership last season, Ladson says he still has his tough days mentally.
“When you have a mental illness and stop and have time to think, that’s when it’s at its worst and you feed your brain negative thoughts,” said Ladson, who is also an assistant coach with the Bendigo Pioneers and captain of Sedgwick Cricket Club.
I didn’t go out of control or anything like that after Dad died and the club supported me as much as it could… I knew why I felt down, but I just didn’t talk about it
- Rick Ladson
“Putting structures in place are really important, and while I now have my family (fiancee Carly and sons Bradley and Joshua) and work, one of my biggest things is to be active as much as I can because it keeps your mind refreshed.”
Ladson, 33, hopes that by opening up and telling his story – like he first did to Hawthorn player development manager Jason Burt in 2011 – it will encourage others who are facing similar struggles to take down the shutters and do the same.
“Hopefully, I can help one or two, or maybe hundreds of people. There is so much support out there for people with depression and anxiety,” Ladson said.
“I feel in our society, and it’s here in Bendigo, that there’s a lot off tall poppy syndrome and the way I look at it is everyone has a story.
“Before people make judgements, yell abuse or write something negative on social media, take a step back and understand that everyone has something going on in their life.
“But my main message is that if you’re struggling, just talk to someone about it because once you do, you can focus on getting it under control and moving on with your life.”
• For those experiencing mental health struggles, contact beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.