Or, the alleged free way.

DTM can report an orgy of roadworks along the Calder between Big Hill and Melbourne and has some serious advice for investors.

Buy shares in companies which make witches’ hats, 40km/h signs, flashing yellow lights, hi-viz vests and orange bollards.

Those travelling to Melbourne will note the roadworks beginning on the civilised side of Big Hill and that the eyeball-searing stretches of emergency orange and flashing lights just keep on and on.

It appears many, many kilometres of cable barriers are being put up on the inside lanes of the freeway.

As you approach each new section of work, the orange witches’ hats start appearing kilometres ahead of the work.

This is then followed by speed signs taking you down from the 110 limit to warnings of 80, 80, warnings of 60, 60, warnings of 40 and then lots of 40km/h signs.

The best was a section of about five kilometres of poles, cones and signs all protecting one truck which had a sign saying everyone had to keep left.

Warning: warning signs ahead.

Or the incident near Kyneton when more than half the freeway was blocked by a huge flashing truck and warning signs alerting motorists of one small grader in the emergency stopping lane.