You might as well, because like everything else in life, it’s not your fault that you might be a tad racist, don’t care about road safety, could have a melanomas, and are sexist.

This idea began to brew a bubble a couple of weeks ago when I came across one of those 50 to 60-year-old leather school satchels which we all had at St Joey’s Primary in my day. They had a fake crocodile pattern pressed into them, a simple buckle at the front and a long strap so the bag could be used as a backpack or a shoulder satchel.

It instantly took me back. Even the smell of it. It has subtle memories of books, pencils, leather, cheese sandwiches and lots of other odours you’d rather not think about.

Then it started a train of thought: I wonder if it’s still possible to find the old John and Betty readers issued to every Victorian primary school?

Turns out it was, and I managed to grab Playmates (stop that), The Victorian Readers First Book, Education Department Victoria, first edition 1952, as well as Holidays, the second reader, first issued in 1953.

Oh, what spiffing fun, boys and girls. In Playmates, John and Betty live with Mother and Father and baby, with Scottie the dog and Fluff the cat. The genders are clear cut. John has a toy truck and Betty has a doll. John is big and helps Father dig, while Betty can do the watering.

It’s full of zippy dialogue, such as: “Let us wash our hands.” “Let us have our milk.” (Warm school milk, naturally). Presumably in a prim and posh accent.

In one hilarious adventure, Betty seeks Mother’s permission to wash her doll’s clothes, exclaiming: “It is fun to have a washing day.” Meanwhile John’s off digging a fish pond.

And they have the temerity to celebrate Christmas without apologising to people not of the Christian kind.

But it’s in Holidays that the bloody gummint’s social engineering reached new levels.

The entire family went to the beach in a car which had suicide (front opening) doors, no seat belts, no child restraints. The massive baby pram was tied on the back with old ropes, John and Betty bounced around unfettered in the back and Mother nurses baby on her knee as they drove.

Even damn Scottie and Fluff were jumping around inside.

Ah, but they knew about safety because after Mother cut them a lunch she refused to allow John to go swimming: “It is far too soon after lunch.”

After a side-splitting game of Pin The Tail On The Pig, they skewered some sand worms on hooks and killed eight fish, far too many for them, they laughed, and so they fed half to the dog.

Then baby, who sleeps in one of those now-banned timber cots, has a birthday and caused much mirth when it nearly fell out of the high chair onto the kitchen floor.

On Sunday they went to Sunday school. Scottie sounds to have got a good kicking when John was playing football. Some of them went to see the caged circus animals. John and Betty were man-handled by the carnies.

And finally a cousin returning from a ship cruise reported the news of the trip: “Last week, we called at Colombo. Many dark brown people live there.”

Hmm, the good old days.

WAYNE GREGSON