DONALD Trump was, perhaps surprisingly, a topic of conversation in Long Gully on Monday night.
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A group of 25 Bendigo men had gathered in a small church on Eaglehawk Road for a seminar on, among other things, ageing gracefully as a man.
CEO of Brisbane’s Centre for Men and Families Richard Fay spoke to the group, and explained that when men reach a certain age, there are a number of paths they can take.
One is the path of least resistance – the “grumpy old man”.
Another is the stereotypical “old fool” or, as Richard described it, the Donald approach.
These are men who have been unable to take themselves out of their box where they believe strength, power and wealth are all that matters.
He said these emotions have been fostered through lives of privilege, where men have spent years building an outer wall for themselves.
They are held up as icons, but in reality, they are empty vessels.
“If you still feel the need to talk about the size of your penis at the age of 70, it’s sad,” Richard said.
Trump feeds on the emotions so often held up as crucial when becoming a man – ideals of confidence, forcefulness, heroism. All positive emotions, but all can be considered a mask for what really matters.
When times get tough, anger becomes the predominant emotion.
“Anger is a useless emotion for dealing with pain,” Richard said.
The group of 25 men heard those who carry this facade with them are prone to the greatest falls.
Richard’s father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Rather than an “old fool”, his father had been a “grumpy old man”.
He carried the same supposedly masculine ideals his whole life, but had instead allowed them to crush him in old age.
The change that occurred after his diagnosis was life changing .
His father started to pay attention to the smallest details of life around him, noticing the beauty of nature and the importance of the relationship with his children.
He had what Richard described as an “ascent journey”, with love at its core.
But in the end, if “leaders” like Trump simply pander to those emotions so useless in dealing with crises, what hope do we have when everything comes crashing down?
- Adam Holmes, journalist