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Bendigo’s Walk Against Violence has been touted as a huge success, with between 700 and 800 people turning out to make a stand against men’s violence against women.
A day to look at hard truths
Former AFL star Luke Ablett invited Bendigo to look at the harsh reality of gender stereotypes that foster a culture of violence against women yesterday.
“This is the day we look at hard truths.”
“What are we doing to young men that leads them to violence?” he said.
“We know 95 per cent of of all sexual and physical violence in Australia is perpetrated by men. It's horrifying.”
“Violence isn’t natural … testosterone doesn't explain that.”
He said questioning the victim’s behaviour or dress could essentially blame them for the assault, which they could internalise and could deter them from speaking out.
“The first thing is to look inside, look at your own attitudes … you have to acknowledge what you think and why you think it.”
On the male-led White Ribbon Day, which is also the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, he urged a packed hall to condemn and call out sexist attitudes.
He said not only was gender inequality the root of violence against women, but he expressed concern for the messages young boys were told.
He said being told “grow some balls” or “don’t be a girl” spread harmful attitudes about the status of women in men’s eyes.
The former Sydney Swans player joined with Victoria Police assistant commissioner Tess Walsh to highlight the insidious derogatory attitudes that can lead men to commit violence against their loved ones.
Assistant commissioner Walsh said a staggering 1700 people reported family violence in Bendigo alone this year.
She said in the past police responded poorly to situations of violence in the home, but she had seen change.
“It’s not a ‘domestic’, it’s violence,” she said.
“Gender-based violence impacts on health, dignity, security and autonomy of its victims, yet it remains shrouded in a culture of silence,” she said.
“I think we can change this.” If you are experiencing violence phone 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732.
'We're not immune'
Law enforcement and healthcare officials said their staff also felt the aftermath of family violence.
John Mulder, chief executive officer of Bendigo Health, praised his staff’s compassion and skill when working with victims of family violence but also said their jobs took a large personal toll.
“They’re human beings – they’ve got brothers and sisters and parents and grandparents and children too – so when they see people getting knocked around, it hurts them just as it would you or I,” he said while walking alongside a large contingent from the organisation.
Bendigo Health recently collaborated with the Royal Women’s Hospital on a “toolkit” for staff working on family violence cases and Mr Mulder hopes it will equip them with the ability to identify victims and engage them in a conversation about their situation.
Mr Mulder says his service had not seen a drop in the number of victims seeking help.
“It’s clear to us there’s still plenty of work to be done,” he said.
‘Education the key’
Family violence survivors who marched in the White Ribbon Day walk have said more needs to be done to help central Victorian women who have suffered from abuse.
One of the founders, Nelly Holmes, said the group began holding regular “coffee mornings” at Women's Health Loddon Mallee as an extra support for family violence victims.
She said although programs were immediately available to victims, they often felt abandoned once the service ended.
“It’s almost like they’ve washed their hands of you,” Ms Holmes said.
Leonie Davey, who is also a member of the group, said White Ribbon Day gave them a chance to remind the public about the long-lasting affects of violence.
“It’s our chance to say, ‘don’t forget about us too’,” she said.
“It stays with you every single day of your life, every decision you make: where you live, what you do, what school your children go to, everything.”
Ms Holmes also contested the campaign’s use of the words “domestic violence”, saying the term wasn’t broad enough to capture all the damage done by violent perpetrators to other family members.
She said the catchall label “family violence” was more effective, taking into consideration the experiences of people like Ms Davey's daughter who was two-years-old when her mother left an abusive household but still suffered anxiety caused by the experience.
“They’re survivors in their own sense too because they’ve witnessed it, seen it, heard it,” Ms Davey said.
The women said education was the key to overcoming family violence, and by teaching children to not accept bullying or put-downs, the cycle could be broken.
It’s a lesson Ms Davey was already passing on her children.
“They’re learning now that it’s just not on.”
Show your support
Leave a message on our website about how you plan to stand up and speak out.
Your messages will become part of a national “pledge wall” designed to inspire others to help end the cycle of family violence.
You can also print out the PDF below, take a photo of yourself and share it with us on social media – email your photos to addynews@fairfaxmedia.com.au, share them with us on either of our Facebook pages (The Bendigo Advertiser or Bendigo Addy Sport), tweet them to us at @BgoAddy or use the hashtags #endthecycle and #whiteribbon on Instagram.