That was the message at the Bendigo Town Hall as more than 500 gathered to mark the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and Children and White Ribbon Day.

Speaking to the largest crowd to turn out at a Bendigo White Ribbon event, Victoria Police Acting superintendent Ron Gardner shared his personal story about family violence.

"What do I really know about family violence,'' he asked.

"I remember as  a small child wondering why my mother was so protective towards me and my three sisters, I had no understanding that every time I heard raised voices my mother was being beaten up by my father. 

"As I got older, I would associate the bruises the next day with the yelling. At the age of six, I learnt that trying to do something, trying to step in meant a trip to the hospital to get a dislocated shoulder re-set because that's what happens when an adult picks up a six-year-old and throws them against the wall.''

At the age of seven, the acting superintendent was packed in the car with his sisters as his mother fled the family home.

"The worst of all was that virtually everybody in the street knew what was happening,'' he said.

"Years later they would say 'oh, your old man did the wrong thing by your mother', but nobody did a thing about it, they didn't even ring the police anonymously, that was all they had to do.

"I'm here to say it's time we men did something to stop it.''

Acting superintendent Gardner said family violence was "a form of cancer in our society and it's probably the only cancer with 100 per cent cure rate''.

"All we have to do is refuse to accept it and hold violent people to account,'' he said.

"Real men don't assault women and real men don't stand by and do nothing. Men, all of us can influence the behaviour of each other.

"Too many women that you know are still being subjected to violence ... there are some people safer on the streets that they are in their own family home.

"Don't be a bystander, if you see it, if you hear it, say something  ... interfere, call the coppers, do something with it, don't just sit there and say 'oh well, it's happening again'.''

Sharing her personal story of horror and hope was Anj Barker.

Anj is a survivor of violence against women and children after being brutally assaulted by her ex-boyfriend in her home town of Benalla in 2002.

Anj suffered a severe brain injury and was not expected to live a full life, but has gone on to be named the Victorian Young Australian of the Year 2011 and the US Embassy's candidate put forward for the International Woman of Courage award in Washington in 2011.

Anj also represented Australia at the International Women's Health Coalition in New York in 2007. She now spends considerable time educating young people about respectful relationships.

"It is very encouraging  to know my small part in the fight against violence towards women is being heard and taken as seriously as it should be,'' Anj said.

"I am your sister, I am your mother, I could be your wife or your best friend and I could even be you.

"This was the start of a journey I didn't choose to take but I am making the most of it.

"In talking and sharing experiences this brings awareness and knowledge to one another and that is one of the biggest reasons I appear today so we all together learn and grow.''

Bendigo police family violence advisor and proactive unit manager Margaret Singe said it was encouraging to see such a large crowd at the event.

"We've engaged a lot of the organisations that haven't been involved before ... I'm hoping they will now go back to their organisations and spread the message that we don't want violence in our communities, whether it's against men or women we don't want violence, but particularly violence against women because that is the devastating one,'' she said.

"Anj's story is of shock and horror, how could anyone do such a thing to a person but unfortunately it's a common occurrence which is what we are wanting to stop.''

Sergeant Singe said Acting Superintendent Gardner's story of coming from a violent home and going on to live a life focusing on prevention was a clear message that violence was a choice. 

"That's the message, it is a choice to be violent, you don't have to be violent ... quite often we find that men that are violent in the home aren't violent anywhere else, so it is a choice.''

And her message for those who are bystanders?

"That's the most important thing, that people come out and report - if it's not reported nobody knows it's happening and we can't put in support or help to get them through those troubled times.''

If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit www.1800RESPECT.org.au

In an emergency, phone 000.