Bushwhacked: Mr Shouty shows his face

Are you a “shouty” person? 

I realised I was becoming one last Monday morning, but until then had tended to regard myself, while a perhaps excitable, usually with a reasonable control on the volume dial.

I went into the lounge to open the curtains on Monday and wondered what all that pinkish stuff was all over the floor and the leather lounge suite.

The light from the opened curtains revealed the true horror…

There, in the middle of this cloud of pinkish fluffiness was the six-month-old corgi pup. Happily wagging her tail and giving me that look: “Look what I finded Mr Boss. Yummy chewy stuff.”

This yummy stuff had been sneakily hidden inside the leather sofa. Not to put too fine a point on it, it had until recently been an essential part of the structure of said sofa.

Mr Loud Shouty made an abrupt appearance.

Whereupon Daughter No 3 took it upon herself to up the ante by shouting at me about how it was pointless to shout at the dog, and I shouted I didn’t give a toss about the bloody dog as this was not a time for a discussion about animal behaviour while it definitely WAS a time for me to shout out my inner fury at said loss of said sofa... (pause for a deep breath).

There was a hole in one seat about the size of a saucer, and the dog had delved her snout deep into the hole and pulled out about a bucket of foam and stuffing. Without the stuffing, it was … stuffed.

Mr Shouty appears at other times too these days. Often while driving.

It just seems to me that half of Bendigo appears to have obtained a driver’s licence under the false pretence that they weren’t cretins.

Indicators indicate little to many folk.  They possibly regard the blinkety-blink lever as a decorative feature designed to relieve the boredom of being shouted at all the time. Or, as a means to telling the world: Guess which way I just turned?

Bendigo pedestrians are worse. The next time you’re wandering around Hargreaves Mall or the Marketplace, take a good look at those moving aimlessly about banging into pushers and other folk and just remind yourself: most of these people drove here.

It is astonishing how many people walk as if they are the invulnerable Iron Man, yet, they’d probably drive with more caution.

Early mornings are the worst when secondary school students, hospital staff and office workers make their semi-brain-dead zombie shuffle towards work or the classroom and do things such as:

Assuming walking near a pedestrian crossing is pretty much the same as walking on it.

Believe footpaths are decorative items and walk down the road with their backs to on-coming traffic.

Take a direct route diagonally across intersections.

Just step off the kerb straight in front of traffic.

These things bring out Mr Shouty.

Oh, and one other thing, people who ring up radio quiz shows and can’t answer a single question. Mr Shouty often yells back through the radio at them words to the effect that people who know nothing should be banned from ringing radio stations and wasting everyone’s time.

To which Mrs Whacked charmingly replies: “They can’t all be as brilliant as you, dear.”

Damn right. You can shout that out, as well.

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