2. Dearly departed premier Barry O'Farrell was among the people with penises in the Prime Minister's cortege. But that didn't help him when he mistakenly denied receiving a bottle of Grange from Liberal identity Nick Di Girolamo. The so-called ''shyster fraudster'' also splashed cash on a slap-up breakfast with BOF (cost: $1402.60) and a toasted cheese sandwich with Labor senator Penny Wong ($50.07). Ashen-faced O'Farrell opted out of greeting the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge at the Opera House. BOF was last seen in his linen cupboard, alongside a cheeky cask of Queen Adelaide and a copy of Nick Greiner: A Political Biography.

3. The Duchess of Cambridge was dressed in Roksanda Ilincic, the crowd in Crocs and Prince William in something altogether insignificant. Cheers came as the royals climbed the steps to the Opera House. ''Look, she has feet,'' one fan remarked. Our Kate was resplendent in vivid yellow, surrounded by men in dark suits like a canary in the coalmine. NSW Governor Marie Bashir welcomed the royals to ''the site of the first British settlement'' in Australia. ''Cheers,'' said Will, before reclaiming it for the crown. The crowd clapped so loudly you could barely hear the group of Aborigines protesting out back.

4. British writer Hilary Mantel has bemoaned the ''debased'' level of public debate after being abused over comments she made about the Duchess of Cambridge. The Booker Prize-winning author had given a speech criticising the media for moulding Catherine into ''a shop-window mannequin''. But her words were twisted by the tabloids into ''an astonishing and venomous attack'' on the Duchess. At one point, the author said, the press staked out her home, chasing ''any fat woman of a certain age'' in case she was Mantel. ''What appals me is that people mistake this constant storm of trivial abuse for some kind of freedom,'' she said.

5. Speaking of media hate mongers, columnist Chris Kenny's musings run from climate change denial to offering grammar lessons for supermodels. Now the conservative commentator has received an apology from the ABC over a Chaser sketch depicting him having sex with a dog. Kenny said he was pleased to ''finally'' get an apology from ABC managing director Mark Scott. We are reliably informed that other creatures Kenny has not had sex with include a hamster, blobfish, pink fairy armadillo, crazy ant, climate change scientist, goblin shark, Greens senator Scott Ludlam, a screaming hairy armadillo, yeti crab, goatsucker, pig-nosed turtle, Julia Gillard, and a wombat.

6. Supermodel Gisele Bundchen has not lost her common touch, despite being audited after topping the Forbes supermodel rich list (yes, there is such a thing). The Brazilian model earns $US42 million ($45 million) a year from catwalk appearances and cosmetics ads. But she's just like any other woman schlepping around the world modelling lingerie. ''I've got the same interests, the same day-to-day life, as any woman,'' she said, before departing for her Caribbean beach holiday. ''This is what I value: are my children educated, is my husband happy, are people feeling the energy from me?'' Now there's a woman Tony Abbott could use for a photo opportunity.