Young at Heart: Why do we need pompous titles?

I AM sooooooooooooooo excited. I mean, if I live long enough and become really famous, like doing something just amazing, I could end up a Dame.

 Isn’t that the dream of any little girl? If I can’t be a princess, at least I can be a Dame.

Look at Dame Washalot in the Faraway Tree. Cool. I could be her, joyfully tipping water over everyone as they try to climb the tree.

Please step this way Dame Annie, your carriage awaits. No, I can’t be Dame Annie. It doesn’t sound right. It will be Dame Anne of course.

I’m going to have to update my wardrobe. Will the government give me a small stipend to keep myself looking ‘nice’?  Surely that has to come with a title. 

Or are the only people worthy of titles ones who have sufficient wealth to buy their own wardrobes? 

Sadly I suspect that will be the case.

Would it help me on the way to becoming a Dame if I remind Queen Liz that I was there for her on the day, handing my bouquet of orchids to save  her from shaking everyone’s hand? 

I practised that curtsey for hours, weeks, probably months.

When I heard today that Tony Abbott was actually about to reinstall the knighthoods and the dames I immediately realised that high on his list of ‘people who must’ will be his hero John Howard. Sir John Howard. Now, that has a ring about it don’t you think? 

What about Sir Eddie McGuire or Dame Bronwyn Bishop. Sir Alan Jones and Sir Andrew Bolt. Now there are a likely couple of lads. I vote them first off the ranks.

Actually, they all have a ring about them , and Bronnie definitely has the 60’s beehive, which goes with the age in which Honours were distributed like lollies.

We were much less sophisticated in the 60s, but I really believe that today we have outgrown all that immature Knights and Ladies of the round table sort of ‘stuff’. In some cases knighthoods could easily be bought. It is SO last century.

I have this same feeling that Alice had as she disappeared down the rabbit hole. Instead of down, down , down however, we’re going back, back, back. 

I think Abbott has completely lost the plot. These titles won’t be inherited but certain people will kill to receive one....or at the very least pay for one as happened in the past. 

Ah! Perhaps this is a subtle way of boosting the coffers of the Liberal Party. Now there’s a likely plot.

It was only a few months ago that our past Governor General Quentin Bryce was advocating a republic. 

Who was the first to receive a Dameship (if you call it that!) and capitulated immediately on receiving it, accepting her new title most graciously – Dame Quentin. 

Perhaps this was Tony Abbot’s payback to Dame Quentin as we all know he is a fervent monarchist. 

She fell for it big time if that was the reason. I really wish she had graciously declined the offer. Her original speech about the need for a republic would certainly ring more truly.

We are no longer living in medieval times, and we have long ago shed the need to have such ridiculous titles such as Sir and Lady and Dame. 

When are we going to grow up and be ourselves?  

The last thing Australians need or like are pompous titles and pompous people using them. It is actually quite farcical.

When I first heard the announcement I really thought it was an early April Fool’s Day joke. I wish!

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