WHAT does the Federal Liberal Party have in common with the Richmond Football Club?
Well, after the tumultuous events of this past week, there would seem to be an almost endless list of similarities between these two old establishments.
Firstly, the Libs are now on to their third leader in the space of two years. Sound familiar?
Of course, they’re not the only political party to plot against their figurehead (look no further than the ALP in New South Wales these past few days), nor are the Tigers the only club to wield the axe in the coach’s box.
But in a truly national competition, those two are the perfect modern-day match-up.
When they’re at the top of their game and everything is going smoothly, both groups are quite cock-a-hoop; but when the going gets tough, calls to “sack the coach” come thick and fast.
When the powerbrokers at both organisations speak out publicly in support of their leader, you can bet your bottom dollar the knives are out behind closed doors and a coup is just around the corner.
Even when a new chief is installed in the top job, it’s a fair bet that almost half the delegates would have preferred someone else, so the instability just continues until next time.
Of late, both the Liberals and the Tigers have had a recruit or next-big-thing destined to lead them out of the doldrums and back into the limelight.
When that didn’t work out, they scratched around for a quick replacement and came up with one that nobody really believed would last the distance.
Both are also very good at making headlines - often for the wrong reasons.
And both have (with apologies to my Richmond-following friends) their fair share of supporters who turn on their own at the slightest hint of turmoil.
No, total unity is not a phrase commonly associated with either group.
OK, maybe I’m just using Tuesday’s Liberal leadership spill as an excuse to talk trash about my least favourite AFL team.
After all, it is the off-season and apart from some customary bad behaviour, a bit of trade week to-ing and fro-ing and a few surprise selections during the draft, there hasn’t been too much real action on the footy front in very recent times.
And I’ll take any chance I get to vent my spleen about the Tigers, though two of my most recent reasons for disliking the yellow and black - a coach and a forward who turned their backs on my Western Bulldogs and went to Punt Road in search of a premiership - have now departed.
Happily, may I add, neither of them so much as tasted a single finals match after jumping ship from the Doggies, and my bitter and unforgiving mind puts that fact down to pure karma.
But back to the hapless Liberals.
When you do a little comparing, you can see that even some of their prominent individuals share particular traits with some Richmond football identities.
Ousted leader Malcolm Turnbull has more than a first name in common with Tiger tough man Mal Brown, who played just 14 VFL games and missed a grand final after being suspended for throwing a ball at an umpire. Both had short but memorable stints in the big time.
There’s Robert Menzies, the legendary figure of yesteryear put on such a pedestal that it is hard for his successors to live up to his tough and uncompromising reputation - much like the lingering shadow at Richmond of Captain Blood himself, the late Jack Dyer.
Former Liberal leader John Hewson draws comparisons with sacked 2009 Tigers coach Terry Wallace - both had a plan, a very good plan, but they were probably the only ones who ever understood it. Both were also under severe internal and external pressure in their final months in charge.
Ex-treasurer Peter Costello is a little like Richmond forward Jack Riewoldt - both have famous relatives who have achieved positions of power but they have not. Not yet, at least.
Actually, Costello also shares the leadership bridesmaid status with retired Tiger Mat
thew Richardson, a favourite son who was never appointed skipper of his beloved side despite giving his all and waiting patiently for his time.
Then there’s maverick MP Wilson Tuckey, who epitomises my experience of a certain element among the Richmond supporter base - that is, just as likely to fight with own supporters as with the opposition’s.
Still, where there’s light, there’s hope.
So I’m sure Liberal Party members out there can conjure up an optimistic outlook to share with members of the Richmond footy club.
“A new coach, a new leadership group - maybe we can win the big one next year,” could be the joint catchcry.
Quite tongue-in-cheek, I think it’s fitting to offer the Liberals a suggested anthem that sums up their mid-week activities - to the tune of the Richmond theme song, of course:
Oh we’re the Liberal lads,
In disarray this week, the Liberal lads,
In opposition you will see us copping flack,
Stab each other in the back,
If we’re behind, then never mind, our leader gets the sack.
Oh we’re the Liberal lads,
Can’t name our new chief till the final vote is cast,
Unlike the party of old,
Under pressure we fold,
Oh we’re the Liberals,
In turmoil again,
We are the Liberal lads.
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