NORMALLY, I’m not a big wrap for chick flicks, but this Valentine’s Day do yourself a favour and check out
He’s Just Not That Into You.
It promises to lift the lid on man-speak as it tells the stories of a group of connected twenty and thirty-somethings as they navigate their various relationships from the shallow end of the dating pool through the deep, murky waters of married life, trying to read the signs of the opposite sex.
Go with a date, your girlfriends or go alone, even if it’s just to get out of the house for a couple of hours after two weeks of oppressive heat.
Based on the wildly popular bestseller from Sex and the City scribes Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, He’s Just Not That Into You boasts an all-star cast, including Academy Award winners Ben Affleck and Jennifer Connelly, everyone’s favourite friend Jennifer Aniston (isn’t she forty-something now?); angel-faced Drew Barrymore (34 this month), Kevin Connolly, Bradley Cooper, Ginnifer Goodwin and Woody’s muse of the moment, Scarlett Johansson. Opening in Australian cinemas next Thursday, the film title (which, by the way, comes from a line from a particularly hilarious SATS episode) tells it like it is, or rather should be: that no one should be with someone who’s not really, really into them. If a man (or woman) doesn’t think you’re fabulous, move on.
But how many of us have tried to hang on to a relationship that’s just not going anywhere? Worse still, how many of us have succumbed to the notion that we need to have someone now, so we take a square peg and shove it into a round hole and hope it feels right? Guilty on both counts, your Honour.
Women and men aren’t referred to as the opposite sex for nothing.
Just for fun, and in the name of journalistic research, I clicked through to the He’s Just Not That Into You date decoder on the movie’s official website.
It asks you to line up what your date said with what you think it meant.
On my first try, I scored 1/5, which confirms that I’m totally clueless when it comes to man-speak. For example, if a man says: “Let’s do your place”, what he really means is “I don’t want my friends to see you.”
Or this classic line: “You deserve better”, translates to “I can do better”. My favourite, “let’s talk soon”, is code for “have a nice life.”
But the Hollywood movie makers are not the only ones jumping on the Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus bandwagon. In New York there’s a man who is making millions translating man-speak for women on the internet, and now he’s pumping for his new book: Manslations: Decoding the Secret Language of Men.
Comedian Jeff Mac, who by the way has recently announced his engagement, is a self-proclaimed man-slator and for a not-so-small fee, he manslates for relationship-stressed Carrie Bradshaw types who, according to him, are tying themselves in knots trying to interpret the meanings of every turn of phrase, every text message or email. For those of you who saw his interview with Lisa Wilkinson on the Today show earlier this week, Mac gave befuddled Aussie women his best piece of advice for free, about what is really going on in the minds of most men. Nothing.
His golden rule is simple: women should always (I repeat always) ignore what a man says and focus on what he does.
It’s the age-old maxim, actions speak louder than words, delivered with some new-age spin for people caught up in the dating hyperbole of the 21st century. Ergo, if he doesn’t call you after the first date, he isn’t going to call, ever! The truth hurts ladies, but maybe it’s that he’s just not into you.
SUSAN MASTERS is the news editor at The Advertiser.
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