THE girls in the office want me to write about dating when you’re over 40.
My mother has reminded me that she has to live in this town and that I should “write something sensible’’.
Mum, if you’re reading this. STOP. Hang out the washing, unpack the dishwasher, go for a drive . . . to Yarrawonga, for the day, a week.
Now that Mum’s gone, let me tell you about dating when you’re over 40.
For me, the reality is less Sex and The City and more Coffee in the Country. Forget the Cosmopolitans, I’d rather a strong skinny latte, short black or Earl Grey. Sometimes, just to be social, I’ll drink the herbal variety. But it’s not the cuppa so much as the conversation that I crave (and the ego-boosting attention); don’t we all. But where do you find a coffee companion, or better yet a partner?
At work, no way. Been there, done that. Work romances invariably end in tears and when they do, you’re forced to be civil to someone you totally loathe and wouldn’t douse even if they were on fire.
You could, as many do on a Friday night after work, venture down to the Celtic hotel.
Not so affectionately known as the local meat market, there are a dozen chump chops for every SNAG, especially after 10pm.
This brazen, boozy approach works for some, not for me.
Well-connected singles turn to friends and acquaintance for their match-making services. But if you’ve done the rounds of dinner parties, beach house weekends away, and ski trips once or twice, and found no one to your liking, you’re damned if you do and damned if don’t look outside your social circle.
Other over 40s find their perfect match by joining special interest or sporting groups. I heard tell just yesterday how a woman met the love of her life while riding a deadly treadly.
True! But if that seems like a lot of huffing and puffing on the off-chance of meeting Mr or Ms Right, you can do what more and more singles are doing . . . logging on to find love.
RSVP, match.com, and theLoveClub are just three online dating and match-making websites, where if you believe the hype, you can meet and chat to thousands of singles AND find love.
The genuine love-lorn sign up looking for “friendship’’ or a “short or long term relationship’’, but what you see isn’t always what you get.
Seriously, what can you say about yourself in 200 words or less? Most CVs are longer and more honest than an online dating profile. For a start, you can’t check a bloke’s (or woman’s) references.
So it’s lover beware.
Kisses, winks and emails aside, the only way to be sure you actually like someone - and that they like you - is to meet and greet (safely, in a public place) and take it from there. However, it’s at this point, the office girls say, that things get tricky.
Most men over 40 can’t or won’t commit to a relationship, the girls complain - particularly those men who have recently left a long-term marriage or partnership.
They want to play the field or indulge in some mid-life madness. I’m waiting for the release of the latest survey results showing that one-in-three single men over 40 own a motorbike, or one-in-five go to the gym four times a week, or that one-in-10 cycle for fun and fitness. (Maybe the deadly treadly story was true).
The girls have also complained about men and their “baggage’’ from past failed relationships. Well, who hasn’t got baggage? I’ve got suitcases full.
Speed-dating is silly and singles’ dinners a bore with bad food.
So what to do? Do it all, I say. Don’t be afraid, get out there and have some fun. Be smart and sensible about who you meet and think dateless, not desperate.
Coffee anyone?
- SUSAN MASTERS is The Advertiser’s News Editor.
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