BEFORE you panic with the pressure of finding the perfect gift for your loved one this weekend, take a moment to consider the famous William Shakespeare quote, that love sought is good, but given unsought is better.
Seriously, think about it for a few minutes.
Go and have a cup of tea, and reflect on why you are feeling so stressed about proving your love just because it’s February 14.
Hopefully, you will come to the same conclusion I have - that love doesn’t need a special day, and an act of romance is not that special when it’s forced or expected.
Romance and love are important elements of a committed relationship - they need to play a part every day for a relationship to stay strong.
Recent research by Nestle found Australians value quality relationships as most important to them, ahead of financial security, health and fitness, or career success.
However, most spend more time checking their finances or exercising than making time for those close to them, despite 99 per cent of those surveyed acknowledging that face-to-face time together is a better way to develop deeper relationships.
As we age, we come to realise what is important to us.
For some, life experience forces us to reflect on what we should have done or could do better.
New relationships, therefore, are about quality time rather than material wants and constant nit-picking.
They’re about affection, appreciation and adoration. And they’re about moving together in the same direction.
Others who have spent years together in happy relationships will tell you it takes effort - recognising what their partner enjoys, taking time out to revisit things that created wonderful memories together and most importantly, mutual respect.
They will tell you it’s about honesty, trust, support and commitment.
As a male colleague said: “You just kinda know what works - how to keep one another sane and happy.
“I love my wife just as much every day of the year . . . and I don’t need to pay three times as much for flowers on Valentine’s Day than I do any other day.”
It must be said, that colleague is not a cynic - he buys his wife flowers almost weekly, but never on Valentine’s Day.
I’m no cynic either - and will admit to feeling a bit tingly when I read one of today’s Valentine’s Day greetings in the Addy’s classifieds.
It is from Francis, to his beloved Janetta, and he tells of the moment his world stood still - long ago in 1954.
I’m quite sure he has spent most of the past 56 years telling his princess just how much he adores her.
After all, you shouldn’t wait to tell people you love them - and nor should you do it with trinkets covered in red hearts and I love you.
Telling someone you love them, whether it’s your partner, parent, sibling or child, is more about the little things you do every day - not gifts or grandstanding.
It’s about consistency, being there for each other, creating security and warmth - and you can’t do that in one day.
In fact, my favourite quotes are those of retired High Court judge Michael Kirby, who said the most important truth is love.
In one of his last speeches before ending his judicial career, Justice Kirby said: “Love transcends even scholarship, cleverness and university degrees. It is greater than pride and wealth. It endures when worldly vanities fade.”
So finish your cup of tea, and think about the greatest gift you can give your loved one - not today, not tomorrow, but every day.
That gift is you. Nothing more. Because giving someone your heart and loving them every day is the greatest gift of all.
And as Shakespeare said, they do not love that do not show their love. But don’t just do it because it’s Valentine’s Day - do it every day.
Nicole Ferrie is The Advertiser’s Deputy Editor
(By the way, Jessie Faye Todd - have you read today’s classifieds?)
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