STATISTICS show that one in three women will experience physical assault and one in five will be sexually violated.
Studies also show that if a man physically harms a woman, he will most likely do it again.
A man who harms his partner will use fear, guilt, shame and intimidation to control his victim, until eventually she becomes passive and accepts a life under his conditions.
And for those women, it’s a life surrendered. A life in which becoming passive is a better option than being beaten.
Of the many women I have interviewed during my time as a journalist, those who have lived through such hell know only too well the cycle of violence that occurs if they don’t surrender.
The explosion is followed by the perpetrator’s guilt — more often out of fear of being caught than out of concern for his victim — then excuses and remorse.
He then attempts to pacify his partner with promises that it won’t happen again.
It’s the honeymoon or courting phase that comes before he again tries to control her.
He watches her every move, waiting to catch her doing something wrong and beating her again.
Then he can justify to himself why he did it, and the cycle starts anew.
But women who experience violence at the hands of their partner will tell you the physical pain is not what leaves the scar — it’s the life that follows.
They are a different person thereafter.
They spend their days trying to find stories for their injuries — tripping over kids’ toys, walking into doors.
They are walking on eggshells.
And for those who do mange to escape their violent home, spending the rest of their days alone is a far better option than taking the risk of being exposed to a living nightmare again.
They no longer trust. They no longer put themselves in positions where they may be vulnerable. And
they will do whatever it takes to ensure they protect their children from such a life in the future.
In Bendigo this week to open the Emergency Accommodation and Support Enterprise’s Centre for Non-Violence, retired chief justice of the Family Court of Australia Alastair Nicholson said the key to
preventing violence was helping children to develop empathy.
It’s something we should all take note of.
Domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate.
Men are also abused, although female victims of domestic violence far outweigh the number of male victims.
So if we start with our children, and teach them to be sensitive to others, we’re on the right track.
Violent acts are a choice. They are used to control a situation.
So we need to reach our young ones early to instil in them that violence is never an option.
And if someone suspects a person is being mistreated, they should speak out.
As anti-violence campaigner Phil Cleary said in Bendigo on White Ribbon Day this week, “men need to have some balls and say enough is enough”.
For each white ribbon displayed in the Library Gardens this week, 10 Bendigo women had been physically or sexually assaulted during the past 12 months.
The city’s White Ribbon Day ambassadors, including City of Greater Bendigo chief executive Craig Niemann, Bendigo policeman Senior Sergeant Raymond Patterson and Loddon Campaspe Community
Legal Centre principal solicitor Peter Noble were among those to stand up this week and say violence against women should not be tolerated.
They will act as role models for local men and boys and encourage them to speak out and reject violence against women.
According to Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria, warning signs of someone being abused include:
She has become anxious or depressed, has lost her confidence or is unusually quiet.She has physical injuries and may give unlikely explanations.Her children seem afraid of her partner, have behaviour problems or are withdrawn or anxious.She is reluctant to leave her children with the partner.The centre says it’s important that you don’t make her feel there is something wrong with her for
not leaving, as more often than not she is afraid of the consequences of doing so.
Instead, you should listen to her, believe what she says, don’t underestimate the danger she may be in, help her to understand the effect of the abuse on herself and her children, and build her confidence.
Its also important to tell her the abuse is not her fault.
For more information, visit http://www.dvirc.org.au
Nicole Ferrie is deputy editor of The Advertiser.
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